Challenge Accepted

I read a great book this weekend called On Writing by Stephan King. I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to write whether it be blog, story stories or novels. It was the kick in the ass I desperately needed lately. I want to finish my book, I NEED to finish my book, if just for myself. Not only that, but I have so many other ideas for story stories, manuscripts, novels… the list goes on.

The writers block I have been stuck in has been killing me. I was forcing myself to write but what was coming out was complete trash. Trust me when I say that. It wasn’t even close to what I know I can write. I lost that little fire inside, I was doubting everything I wanted to put down, I was trying to add more to the story then what was needed simply because I didn’t think what I was writing was good enough. I thought everyone that read it would think of only how juvenile it was. I was afraid it was reflecting poorly on me and I wouldn’t be taken seriously.

Well, screw all of that. I don’t write because I want validation from anyone. I write because I have to. I have all these thoughts and vivid pictures in my head and if I don’t get them out I think I will go insane. I don’t just have ideas, I have whole plot lines complete with twists mapped out. I have characters with their own personalities,  their own histories, their own destinies inside me. And not just for the book I’ve been writing but for dozens of others because, I am a writer.

I let myself forget that for a while. I wasn’t owning up to the fact that I write because it find an immense sense of joy from it. Its not just my hobby, it defines me. I find inspiration everywhere. I am constantly writing stories everyday, even if I am not writing them down. When I play “What if?” with Mike, I am making up stories. When I’m walking down the street and I only catch half of a sentence someone is saying as they pass and I finish their thought with something I’ve made up in my head I am making up stories.

And so what if they are juvenile? They are fun. And I don’t care if every single person that reads anything I choose to write down, or any story I decide to say out loud thinks they are immature. I don’t spin stories to make anyone else happy but myself.

I am indescribably overjoyed that I got my passion back. I have had words pouring out of me all day long and I feel like I’m an a high right now. It is 10 pm and I honestly don’t know how I am going to be able to calm down enough to go to sleep. I would love nothing more than to stay up till the early hours releasing all of this creative energy.

Its like there was a dam built, and it had a few holes in it, so some stuff trickled through but now its been blown wide open. It’s just up to me to take all this new found inner power and harness it. And God, for the first time in a really long time I can not wait to.

In the book King says that to really write, you have to do 2000 words a day. In the beginning you can do 1000 6 days a week but by the 2nd month you have to be at 2000 everyday without fail. I think I can do this.

No, I KNOW I can do this. I will do this. I have stories to tell and share with the world and I want to let them out.

I am a writer. And even if I am not a good one, a competent one or *God I wish* a GREAT one. I am one. And I am not letting anyone tell me differently.

Hot child in the city

Summer is here and boy is it hot! NYC is going through a major heat wave right now. 

While the city has slowed down due to the heat, my work has not. We have had several large events to cover this month and will hopefully have a lull next  month to recoup. Last week alone I worked for the intrepid and the triathlon and tonight I will be helping with the all star game. 

Life isn’t all work and no play for me however as I will be spending most weekend with Mike poolside in the Hamptons. Great way to reset my weeks if you ask me 🙂

My day to day life has hit a nice routine and I’ve even found time to start going to the gym 2-3 times a week. Money is still tight but I am managing the best I can. No one said city life was cheap! 

I am hoping to visit my cousin in CT sometime next month and have a girls weekend trip planned to Fire Island with my friend from work. I am trying to spend most of my summer working on as many work events as possible for the exposure/ experience, talking with my at work mentor about how to better my press writing, reading up on ways to improve PR strategies, attending the brain storming meetings our Account Execs have and over all getting ready for the fall when I plan to look for better employment. I have learned a lot and made many friends at this company but I need room to grow and have been told there isn’t any here. We will see what the next season holds for me.

In two weeks I will have officially lived in NYC for a full year. It’s said most people give up by then however I personally think I have flourished and so far I am achieving all the goals I set out for myself.  

Do I have the amazing PR job I imagined I have and live in a 1 bedroom all to myself with a wardrobe of fantastic stylish new york outfits and shoes? No. But I have an apartment I’ve grown fond of that is finally fully furnished and I have a job at a PR firm which is a great stepping stone. I can’t expect to have it all right away. I reset my whole life when I moved out here and have to fight my way to the top from the bottom. And that’s ok with me. 

Recently, a girl I know from work decided to move to LA. She was born and raised in NYC and asked me what to expect. I told her to expect to want to turn around and leave for the first 6 months, possibly longer. I told her that it is such a shock to go from everything you know and are comfortable with to somewhere new. Frankly, it sucks at first. But if you stick it out you will slowly see yourself grow and adapt. I told her to make sure she didn’t give herself an out. Don’t go and say, “Oh if it’s horrible I will go home.” Instead tell yourself you HAVE to stay for x amount of years before you will go home. 

Last year I was afraid I wouldn’t make it to my deadline. I had told myself until I turned 30 (year and a half in nyc) I couldn’t leave.  Now I can’t see myself ever leaving. Before the thought of being here for 3, 5, 10 years seems daunting. Now, it just seems normal. Although I do miss my family in CA, NY feels like home.