Rainy Day

I debated with myself about if I wanted to post this or not. But this blog is about my experiences in NYC. Good and bad. So.. on that note, I am sad to say I am no longer employed at the hedge fund. Due to reasons I don’t want to get into, they decided not to keep me. I am understandably very emotional about it. I’m mad, and sad, and generally upset. I am lucky enough to have a new job lined up at less pay, which means I will be working a second job again.

 

I’m not happy about it, but its life. I have to keep going and realize that although I may not see the reasons now, this is probably better in the long run for me. Its at a great company, and its in the field I want. All pluses. I have to work for what I want to achieve, things aren’t going to be given to me.  So, I am starting at the bottom, and determined to work my way up. 

 

It may sound horribly girly, but in order to get me out of my funk, I made a list of things to be happy about. I listed at least ten but can think of more. This isn’t the end of the world, this is the beginning of a new chapter for me. I need to be excited. I allowed myself to wallow in self pity, and now its time to pick myself up, realize I have it easy in comparison to others, (Although I think you should never compare yourself to others. Your struggles may seem inconsequential to others, but they are YOUR struggles. Your allowed to feel how you want, don’t let others judge you) and keep going. 

 

So, Monday I will have my first day, and I’ll let you know how it goes. I am also looking for a weekend job, I think I may have one lined up. I’ll keep posting. 

 

Also, after close to a three year hiatus I started writing the rest of my book. It’s amazing how easily it all came back to me. I think everything I have been going through has helped me relate more with my main character. Very exciting! My new challenge is to write 500 words a day. That’s either my book, my blog, or my private journal. I missed a couple of days wallowing, so I have a lot to make up for! 

 

Always remember, life will give you a hundred reasons to cry, it’s up to you to show the world you have a thousand reasons to smile. 

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Ch-Ch-Changes

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Ch-Ch-Changes

“When we make changes it is so easy to interpret our unsettledness as unhappiness and our unhappiness as a result of having made the wrong decision. Our mental and emotional states fluctuate madly when we make big changes in our lives, and some-days we could tight-rope across Manhattan and other days we are too weary to clean our teeth. This is normal. This is natural. This is change.” – Jeanette Winterson

For the past few weeks I have felt more myself than I had when I first moved in NYC. When I moved here I felt small, and dependent on others, and couldn’t bear to be alone for more than a few hours. I was working too much, I hadn’t put my room together, I didn’t have many friends, and I felt very much like a strong wind would send me into the atmosphere never to be seen or heard from again. I wasn’t the overly peppy, independent, patient, level-headed girl I was raised to be. I was skittish, clingy, overly emotional, and just an over all mess (Yet still overly peppy!).

Things started to turn my way once I began to make and solidify more friendships, when I was able to decorate and get my room together, (although I still need a dresser and a night stand), was able to bond more with my roommate, spend more time with my boyfriend, and I was able to get down to one job. I know I keep coming back to that, but I don’t think even I knew how important a stable 9-5 day job was to my sanity!

Bottom line is, for the first six months I related to this quote. I was up and down and occasionally had moments when I hated this city so much I felt like an idiot for moving. Then I would walk around a corner and find a secret park with a waterfall, or talk to someone on the subway that had the most interesting live stories to tell. I was lucky, I was able to see the reasons why I love it here so much. I’m also my mothers daughter and can be incredibly stubborn. No way in hell I was packing up and moving.

Life likes to challenge us. It wants you to grow as a person, and change. It will throw obstacles at you and it’s up to you to hurtle over them or let them run you over. Change isn’t a bad thing. I personally have never felt more alive than the moment I completely stepped out of my comfort level. I imagine its how people feel after getting glasses for the first time. Everything is more vibrant and in focus. And I couldn’t be happier.

Beside, you get to do things you’ve never been able to do before. Like go through a snow blizzard! (Insert segue to how I spent my weekend!)

Nemo was fun, Friday night I walked home right when it was starting to snow, which was perfect timing, made dinner, then Mike and I stayed in and watched Tangled (amazing! Mike says the main character is me) and The Walking Dead. I got to wake up to white powdery snow as far as you could see. It was amazing!

Although the snowy ground made it hard to walk, Mike took me to play in the snow at Central Park, and play we did! As you can see from the picture the whole place was covered in about a foot of snow. I made snow angels, had snow ball fights, raced in the snow across the great lawn and frankly, just dove into piles of it beacuse it was there! Growing up in Southern California if I wanted to see snow I had to drive two hours to big bear, not walk outside of my front door. It was a day I will never forget.

I laid in the snow catching my breath I stared up at the tree above my head that was completely white. A breeze swept by causing little snowflakes to float through the air and land on my cheek. I couldn’t keep the giant smile off of my face if I tried and I thought with perfect clarity how happy I was I moved here.

Change is always hard, but it’s always worth it as well. My advice to everyone is to stick it out, things always have a way of working themselves out in the end.

Side note- It also doesn’t hurt when you have an amazing person helping you along the way, and I wanted to thank Mike for all that he has done for me. I know I wasn’t easy to deal with, but you seem to still love me anyway, (what is wrong with you?! :-P) you are my rock and I love you very much. Happy early birthday!

Also, Mom, I love and miss you too. Thanks for sending me all the care packages from home (bed frame included). ❤

Rock me like a Hurricane

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Rock me like a Hurricane

Batten down the hatches…Winter Storm Nemo is on his way!

Nemo..I kid you not, they named one of the biggest (supposedly) snow storms to hit the east coast in years NEMO.

Now, I don’t know if it’s due to it’s ridiculously cute name, or the fact that I don’t know any better; but I am not at all worried about this blizzard coming in. 10-14 inches of snow doesn’t bother me. All I see in my head is a bunch of dancing snow flakes floating through the air like in Fantasia.

Hurricane Sandy scared the crap out of me before she hit there was flooding, and wind, and power outages, and for some reason I can’t muster even an ounce of fear for this snow storm. All I seem to hear is “blah blah blah SNOW!” “Blah blah blah LOTS OF SOW!” which equates to “blah blah blah GO PLAY IN THE SNOW!” “blah blah blah SLEDDING! SNOW ANGELS! SNOW DAYS!!” in my mind. I think I may be a little too excited for this upcoming disaster. Hell, I didn’t even think to go get food until my boyfriend mentioned it. I figured we could get something delivered, or walk to the store! I know I am going to end up eating my own words about this come Saturday morning. I’ll let you know how everything goes. But as of now I think this is my wish for snow coming true!

On a completely unrelated note, I have been trying to become more of an adult (shocking! I know!) and to me there has always been one thing that screamed “Look at me! I’m self sufficient, independent, and I don’t need anyone to take care of me!” and that was a women who could cook. I don’t mean mac and cheese or grilling chicken, I mean COOKING. Whole meals, with sides, and enough to feed herself AND a loved one. So, with all this amazing free time I have now that I only work one job (enter happy dance here) I have a new routine. Every Tuesday I figure out what I want to make, I make a list of things I need from the store and every Wednesday I clean the house and make Mike and I dinner.

It’s not only great to have a weekly ritual since I can very much be a creature of habit, it’s also exciting to learn something new. I keep pushing out of my comfort zone food wise and nailing it. I get this little adrenaline rush while cooking, hoping I get done in time for when Mike gets there and hoping it comes out alright. I get to experiment a little by adding little dashes of what I think may taste good to the recipe, and I get this overwhelming sense of accomplishment and pride when we take that first bite and Mikes eyes fly to mine and he smiles. Between that and my taste buds rejoicing I know I did well.

I’m all about growing as a person this year, and I feel like this helps show that. I can work all day, bring home the bacon and cook it!

Attached is a picture of the lemon-herb grilled chicken, red-skinned potatoes, and roasted kale salad I made this week.

Sadly, not pictured was the indescribable shrimp scampi pasta I made with chicken broth instead of butter. I still have dreams about that meal. Once I get a few more recipes under my belt, I am circling back to that dish. Big thanks to my boyfriend Mike for being my willing guinea pig and eating just about anything I put in front of him.

Now, on to find lots of blankets for Mike and I to snuggle under and watch movies from once this storm hits! Bring it Nemo!

A Family Affair

This past weekend my cousin John came to visit me. He and I both moved to the east coast from the west coast at the same time. He moved from San Diego, CA to Mystic, CT. It’s been a big change for us both. He’s the only family I have on the east coast, and visa versa so we wanted to hang out and get a sense of familiarity that has been missing in our lives.

I knew he was coming into town Friday night but I didn’t make any plans to do anything. I thought to myself, “Hey, this is New York! There is always something to do!” Well, that may be true, but it’s also winter. Turns out everything I really like to do in New York is outside, and as much as I love walking aimlessly around Central Park or the High-line, its not really something you want to do when the weather says it feels like 17 degrees and it’s snowing outside.

So, when he got in and looked at my expectantly I was hit with the realization that as much as I like to pretend, I am NOT a real New Yorker yet. I had NO idea what to do. There are thousands of bars and restaurants all around Manhattan and what do I do? I take him to the pub next door. Talk about a bad host. To make matters worse we went to my old job to pick up my check and have a quick drink and ended up staying there all night. Thankfully, while the place isn’t new to me, it was to him and he loved it.

The next day I dragged myself out of bed and took him to brunch at The Smith. (I told you I love it there!) My excuse was that they have great food, but realistically they are also located across the street. Really showing him around aren’t I?

After brunch we headed downtown to the 9/11 memorial and explored that area a little. Unfortunately, it was below freezing so it wasn’t that much fun. Like I said, I apparently do not know this city like I thought I did. We had dinner in the LES Saturday night and thankfully ran into a friend of mine that suggested some bars and joined us. My plan for the night was “Hey, it’s the lower east side, there are bars on every corner! Let’s just walk in the snow till we find one. Oh, what’s that? You can’t feel your toes? Me either! Isn’t this great!”

He left early Sunday morning and I swore that next time he visited me (I stressed to wait till Spring) I would have hundreds of things for us to do! He left me his guide to New York.

I have a close girl friend of mine coming in March and I am going to actually utilize the guide John left and make an itinerary this time. I’m also going to explore much more of the city than I have. I already added more things to my list of places I want to see in NYC.

I also promise not to call myself a New Yorker until I can successfully show someone around more than the block I live on.